Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I had to cum in my sink.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
