there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
