you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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