You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
