batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
