I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My bed smells like the plague
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