piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
