Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
