Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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