Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
