It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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