47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
