if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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