I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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