i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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