I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
