Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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