I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
