Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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