i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
