3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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