YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
