Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
