she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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