I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
