I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
