I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
