Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
