I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
