What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
