So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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