i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
