So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
