got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
How's work?
Spinning.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
