just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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