Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
