We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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