I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
