trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
