My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
