Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
