Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
