he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
