He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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