wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
