good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
