The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
