The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
