Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My penis needs a shock collar
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
