i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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