she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
