I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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