One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my shit smells like andre
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
