My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
