I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
