I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
