Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
