Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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