I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
