Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
