It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
