Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize