3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
