my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
