I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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