Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
