Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
