dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
