Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
