Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
