o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
