member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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