he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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