before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
