I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize