1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
