I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
