sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
