Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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