They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
