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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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