You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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