I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
