apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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