We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
