take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
