Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
