I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
...so i touched it.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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