You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
