so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Randomize
