I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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