I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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