i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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