Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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