I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
