Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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