Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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