Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
