just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
