I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
