Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
