ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
