Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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