I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
