I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
