Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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