So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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