Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
