Only a mothe r could love this liver
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
