I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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