i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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