I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
