wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
