there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
