Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
